hey people?

apparently i’ve been on this site before, although the previous post seemed foreign the first time i read it. However, after reading it a second time its ringing a bell. 2008. i would have been in… grade 9. wow, four years ago. a lots changed. its funny, i claimed to have nothing to write about yet my diary from my junior high days says quite the opposite.

i guess if your reading this- if anyone can even see this- just know that its my attempt at expressing some thoughts without having to edit it or worry about what my “friends” are going to think about it. that has a bit of a high school ring to it. i seem to have worn out my complaining with my real life friends so this seems like a good way to “tell” someone (aka vent) about my current life situations.

im going to mexico on saturday, and tonight i realized im only gunna miss my soccer team. that doesnt say a lot, since most of my graduating class is accompaning (oh, when i said unedited i meant it, dont expect me to spellcheck) me on this trip. however, if they werent coming, my previous statement would still apply. im starting to miss some of my closest friends less and less, its funny how people can slip away. yes- everybody experiences a bit of heartache in high school. losing a best friend, best lover, its never easy. i just seem not to mind anymore. its hard- when your in high school your forced open up.. people will pry open your arms and stare and comment and judge and ask questions, and its hard to know whether you really care or if just the people around you do. your forced to deal with failed relationships, bad marks, spats between friends, absences of friends, and more. so, whether you like it or not, these falling outs are always long, drawn out, and painful. and no matter how much you hate someone, if you wait three months and then reach out to them, your almost bound to reconnect and start fresh. well, at least in my town.

anyway, my point is im not in high school anymore. i showed up to a bar the other night with one other friend. and learned that the bar isnt a party. the bar isnt a new class or a student lounge. it doesnt matter who you are, you cant just become bestfriends with the first girl you see. i guess theres boundries. i went again, last night, with a different friend but still just the two of us. we sat with her new boyfriend and new friends. i saw a boy from my physics class- this semester- working behind the bar. as i went over to say hello, he was approached by another boy. he was in my physics class too! as a matter of fact, we all sat together. my greeting was awkwardly awkward, and soon i just turned around and left, back to my table. not even needing an excuse; they didnt care if i was there. high school is over.

theres a few people i havent talked to since the last day of classes. it kind of hurts, but not the pain i would feel if i still had to see them everyday…

i dont know if this post makes sense, but its what im thinking about right now. im in the process of finding the people i wanna stick with and when i do, im gunna hold on tight.

if you read this.. thank you. youll never know how much i appreciate someone listening to me.
or maybe you do because you have a blog too!!!!

much love